私らしく生きて行ける。。

stelah staun lebey dok kansai at last smalam bjaye gak gi USJ weh!!!…cam lawak je dah staun lebey br nak gi pdahal bkan nye jauh sgat..hehe..puas pusing shari..antara attraction yang sempat masuk: spiderman,terminator,jurassic park,water world,naek roller coster yang nak gugur jantung tu,pastu lgi satu, bnde alah ikan jos? tu…huhu…sronok gile pegi sebab orng blanje kot..hehe..pape pon kpde mereka2 yang lom pegi dan ragu2 best ke tak nak gi,ak confirm korang mesti suke pnye n memng tak rugi r kalo gi…pas ni tggal satu je lagi tmpat ak  tol2 nak gi maen->disney sea…tapi kne save duit dlu r..takpon ade sape2 ke nak blanje???..haha

argh…tak sabarnye nak cuti…kusut dah pale ni…nak gi baito pon malas dah…panas giler ble masuk natsu ni…

pkir2 ape nak wat ye time cuti nanti…br ade satu je plan cuti ni…”summer sonic”..waa..tak sabar,tak sabar nak gi tgok paramore!!!..pastu rase cam nak gi USJ..tapi kne carik member lak…gi sorang2 tak best..pastu pe lagi ek…korang da cdangan? ke plan best ke..ajak r aku..tggal stgah taun lagi ni nak menggile kat jepon ni b4 graduate..master pon tah dapat ke tak,tak tau lagi kan..

ishk excited kalo pkir pasal cuti ni..ilang trus kusut kpale..

huuu…tulis tajuk je dah penat..mengeluh tak abes..blur tak abes~

usha guidelines tok proposal research je dah wat ak tmenung dpan komp lame gle..skang nye kenkyu pon tak brape nak pham mane arah tuju ni kan nak tulis research proposal pasal master??!..dah lah english!!!..mak aiiiii…memng kne kat 弱点 ak la tu..bnde pling,pling,pling～ak 苦手(分かるこの気持ち？笑)…nak tulis essay english je pon dah spara giler skang ni..nak tulis proposal???

ilang sume smangat nak gi master…院生行くのをやめとこうかなって思うぐらいめんどくさくてでさあ..

世の中、簡単に手に入れることなんかないってゆことは頭の中によ～く理解してるけど、企画書書く気がないてゆか何書けばいいか分かんないてゆか英語が嫌いてゆかなんてゆか笑

あ！！！こんな気持ちのままじゃ奨学金がもらえないのも確実になってくるやな～誰か、誰か、誰か!!!!助けてくれ～英語の能力貸してくれ～

死ぬ。

ni nak lepas geram sbenarnye..pagi tadi on da way nak balik kyoto dr higashi oomiya citenye..time sampai2 kat eki higashi oomiya tu tetibe je tgok orang ramai tgu kat luar tak masuk2..ak dah pelik dah..asal la plak ni kan..punye la ramai syakai jin nak gi keje ngan bdak nak gi skola..ishk semaknye!!

ak dgan slambenye trun la kat platform kat bawah skali tengok orng dah penoh giler bratur sampai nak jatuh kat track train tu penohnye..nak trun pon cuak..kot2 ada sesape yang tak suke gaijin tak pasal2 kne tolak slamat ak~..

bile dgar announcement? rupe2 nye ade si bangang bunuh diri pagi2 bute..time ak sampai tu train dah memang tbenti sejam dah..patut la ramai sngat orang…dsebabkan ak da kelas arini nak kne balik kejar mase gak tpakse la naek gak train reramai tu..mase naek tu tetibe rase cam ilang kaki..tau2 je dah t’masuk dah..coz orang tolak dari blakang kan..dah la tu ble sume skali nak masuk abes la penyek kat dlam..nak kate ak bdiri pon tak jugak rasenye dah mlengkung dah kaki..bdan kekanan,kaki kekiri..hah camane tu??? nasib baek la nihonjin laki dpan ak tu tggi n hensem..rase cam t’plihara? lak ak..haha

ni la kes kat tokyo..skit2 bnuh dri..cube dok kansai lek je..calm~ takde manenye orang nak bnuh dri awal2..takpon orng kansai yang nak bnuh dri sume dah gi tokyo tak..haha

so i’ve just read Aliah’s blog and the part where she said how she hopes that YPM will look at all angles, rather than just judging on individual CGPAs for the Master’s scholarship..well it really hits me..cause i’ve been hoping the same thing too..i might not be the one top listed for this scholarship but still..i hope i can have the chance to earn it..i’ve been dreaming about the scholarship since the very first day i came here..but at that time i didn’t know how hard it is to be a Ritsumei’s student,to live as a “gaijin” or should i described it as “the alien” among the japanese.. it’s never been easier to live a life here..i’ve lost my confidence, my money,and my belief? i guess at least not my virginity..not yet..hihi..you might think that i’m pathetic but all i can say is i’m trying my best..trying to live a better life trying to make friends and try to make my self comfortable in this absolutely uncomfortable world i live in..some people think it’s not good enough and i’m not trying hard enough..well actually those are my parents word when i’ve recently failed 2 subject in my last exam..for a second i thought they were right..and believe me when i say it hurts like hell hearing they said that after  all the things i’ve been through..but when i thought back how hard i worked my ass of studying and hoping that if i could just get a C for those difficult subject with those “no-heart” sensei while living in this what i called as “uncomfortable world”..i think i’ve done the best that i could..it might not be good enough for them or maybe for you too but for me there’s nothing else that i hope i would have done..not now not ever..

dah lama tak update blog..bkan pe every week bnde yang same je..except 2 mngu mase parents datang ari tu..

cuti memang agak bosan..tapi kalo start class nanti tension lak kan..haha..tak tau la yang mane lagi best..papepon nak story mase parents datang ari tu kitorang gi maner..hmm..dsebabkan tak tau nak bawak gi maner n parents plak bkan jenis yang suke dok dlam densya lelame so bawak jejealan dekat2 je..antara tmpat2 yang kitorang gi-kiyomizutera,kinkakuji,teramachi kat sanjyo,oosaka jyo,mostly area kyoto ngan oosaka la n last bwak diorang tgok dai…

mesti da yang rase skit nye tempat ak bawak diorang gi kan..act ak pon rase cam tu mase  parents ak balik..tapi nak wat caner sbtu ahad ngan cuti umum kn g baito..tapi parents pon cam tak kesah coz diorang dtang just nak spend time ngan anak diorang je..tu mak ak la yang ckap..yang best nye mak dah siap plan nak msakkan ape tok ak (2 mgu nye menu)..hihi..habis gemok!!

slain dari tu ak mgabiskan masa time2 cuti ni ngan tgok drama..abis sume season ak tgok..mule2 prison break(4 season),pastu ally mcbeal(5 season),pastu gilmore girl’s(7 season),pastu the O.C(4 season) and skang tgah tgok dawson’s creek..salah satu care blajar english..hihi

actually i found this when i read sha’s blog,and i thought why not i give it a try too since i found the very first question is so interesting..haha

1. Do you think ina is a virgin?

i’m kind of not sure..but at least she was a virgin until our last year in jad..maybe i should ask kerel later..hihi

2. Oh no, salmi got kidnapped by aliens! What do you say once they get back?

who is they?never mind,i’ll tell them that salmi is not here right now n she’ll be back soon..and i think i’ll keep the stories that way until i grad..hihi

3. Does ain kecik have any pets?

lots of cat’s i think..she just can’t stop loving them

4. Does mayu make you hot?

yes when she makes me angry..not the kind of hot,hot..well you know what i mean right?ah,never mind

5. What is one thing is alia exactly made for?

fareez..i think..nop i’m sure..i know that he is not a thing,he is a human but you don’t mind right..hihi

6. Have you dreamt of lan-G before?

never..but if i do i would rather be awake..hihi(just can’t stop laughing doing this thing)

7. What is or would be a good nickname for kakct?

haha..i like dis one..kelabut?!short for kelam kabut..hihi sori kakct

8. What musical instrument would ain panjang most likely play?

piano is somehing that i think would be just perfect for her

9. Can dyana be bad influence?

only when she started to remember all the commercial script? oh i envy her!!

10. What’s your fondest memory of dila?

“the” wrist band? i like it so much..thanks anway dil!

昨日まで、三日連続でバイトしてた。今週のバイトはしんどかったな～客にいろいろ言われてたから。

泣きそうになるぐらい腹が立ったこともあった。言われる時言い返せないのが一番悔しかった。

自分が何も悪くないのに謝って頭下げるなんてとんでもないことだなって。

でも、これが今のバイトの事実なんだ。冷静になれないと長く続けない。強くならないとすぐに傷ついてしまう。

バイトやめたいてゆ気持ちはもちろん何回もあった。この仕事じゃなくても他にいくらでもあるって思った。ただ、今の同僚がよかったからやめられなかった。

みんなにはいつもやさしくしてくれた。私にとって日本の親代わりです。今のメンバーと一緒に働けば大丈夫。悩んでる時も、腹が立った時も、相談に乗ってくれるし励ましてくれるから。

今のバイト続ければ強くなれると思ってる。社会と向き合う経験になる。最近自分の日本語の能力も少しずつ進歩してる気がする。前には人と話す時、早く話せないし、関西べんもうまく聞き取れなかったけど、毎日日本人と話して新しい言葉、話し方、いろいろ勉強になります。

ある人にとっては日本語うまくなってもくだらないかもしれない、私的には日本語の能力うまくなるてゆことは、日本に得る知識の扉みたいなもんぐらい大切なんだ。つまり、日本語さえうまく話せばもっと相手にされてるから、そこから自分もいろんな知識得ることができる。勉強には役に立たなくても、生活にはすごく役に立てると思います。

time2 exam ni slaloo je rase2 nak giler,otak nak meletop,hyper tension n mcm2 lagi la perasaan..hihi

kadang2 kalo dgar ade memb yang dah abis exam ke yang langsung takyah exam ke yang exam die lagi sket tgok nihonjin ke..mesti rase jealous..kalo lah ak cam dorang(__;)..huhu

tapi,yang gatal nak masuk Rits ni pon diri sndri gak..”hah,amek ko!”て感じかな～..hihi

pkir2 balik tol ke pepatah mlayu “bsusah2 dhulu bsenang2 kmudian” tu ek..

skang mcm tak nmpak je langsung hikmah nye..hmm..papepon Dia lebih tau kan?!..

Mayu kate “努力より要領、過程より結果”..but seriously tak suke ngan kpecayaan cam tu..kalo lah ak pegang pade prinsip tu,skang ni tah kat mane la ak..dah keje kat supermarket sbg 正社員 dah gaknye..

I seriously believe dat every effort will pay..it just a matter of time..

pastu,cuti ni tak balek m’sia,sbaliknye parents dtang cni..ble tpikir je mesti rase cam “hALAMAk…mampus ak”..hihi

rase2nye patut ke ak pretend to be “いい子”cam slama ni..or dah smpai masenye I show them the real me,make them understand and accept me for who I am ek??…hmm…??????

ha..sambungan cite abby dl skang memey dah kuar WHI lak…nasib baek bkan ifa jdi pgacara…yes!!..agak2 kalo korang dah sakit pale study tu lek jap tgok memey kat WHI 13jan..hihi..lagha2..komen kat TV3 pon pedas gile babeng..nak bace smppai abes pon takot dah..manusia2..kalo mgutuk orang no 1..kne kat dri sndri baru tau!!..

papepon all da best memey,ak nak study esok da 3 exam..yosh!!